Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
