I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
