Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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