This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
