After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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