You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
