i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
