I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
