he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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