After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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