the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it