the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.