Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm getting married
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.