your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
