you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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