Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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