Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Duck Duck Cougar?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
