Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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