Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
