He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
