You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
