Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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