LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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