oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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