i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
