...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh god it's open bar.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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