yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize