my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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