the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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