just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I fill condoms, not promises.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
