Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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