hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
