know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize