Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
