He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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