what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
