A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
