i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
