I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
