Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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