Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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