She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
