mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
