I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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