Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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