Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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