I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
