he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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