Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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