Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
