woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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