I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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