If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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