i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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