I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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