I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
