I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize