We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
