she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
