Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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