First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
