yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
