Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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