What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
