he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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