I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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