Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
