He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
