my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
