I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
