You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
