Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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