he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
