you turned your livingroom into a bong?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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