He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
