i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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