So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
