the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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