i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
