I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
