I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize