I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
