it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
