I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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