we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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