My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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