you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
